Microfiction Revisions: Two Spooky Little Stories

Original Texts:

Got Ya

I ran. I ran as fast as I possibly could, the branches whipping at face, grabbing at my hair. It was almost as though he somehow had control of the branches, commanding them to stop me. Crack. I felt a pain in my chest before the realization hit me. I was on the ground. A scream rose from my lungs as I tried to move my ankle. No. It couldn't be. I closed my eyes and counted to three, willing my ankle to mend itself so I could run. I opened my eyes and the scream burst forth. "Got ya."

Lipstick

I couldn't help but give an exasperated sigh, knowing full well that this lady would never get the right shade of red for my lipstick. Although, I suppose it is hard to make lipstick look vibrant when you're putting it on a corpse.

This is different image than I used in the original story, but I think these woods are more of what I am envisioning for "Got Ya"

(Image by Pete Linforth from Pixabay)

Revisions:

Got Ya

I dash through the lightless woods, begging my legs to move faster. Branches whip my face and grab my hair with such fervor it feels purposeful, almost like he is commanding them to stop me. 

Crack. The pain from my ankle registers before my brain understands, but then it hits me: I'm down. My scream fills the chilly air as moonlight bounces off the bone now exposed to the night sky. I close my eyes and count to three, willing my ankle to mend itself. 

One... leaves are rustling behind me. 

Two... I sense a presence above me. 

Three..."Got ya."

Shade of Red

I understand the makeup artist doesn't know what my personal preferences are, and I don't mean to be obnoxious, but I can't help my exasperation with the shade of red she's chosen. Although, I guess I should cut her some slack, given that it's probably difficult to make lipstick look vibrant when you're putting it on a corpse.

Author's Note:

I definitely changed things up with these revisions! I wanted to really place the reader in the woods during the first story, so I tried to activate all my verbs and change up the structure of the whole thing. I am much more pleased with the revised version. For the second story, I changed up the first sentence quite a bit. I felt like the original wasn't as exciting or enticing, so I wanted to draw the reader in more. I also change the title to something a little less on the nose. 

Week 15 Story Lab: Empoword Chapter 2

When we tell a good story we make imaginations run wild.

(Image by Tumisu from Pixabay)

Notes: Telling a Story

• There are many different ways to interpret a story
• Narration: a rhetorical story-telling mode involving the construction and relation of stories
• Techniques for narration
• Plot: refers to the actual events that take place in the story
• the primary subject of the narrative
• Scope: boundaries of the plot
• When and where? Background?
• Context
• Can be narrow or broad
• Should focus on details that fit in the bigger picture
• Sequence and Pacing: the order of events and the amount of time you give to each event
• Freytag's Pyramid
• Exposition, rising action, climax, falling action, resolution
• In Medias Res= "in the middle of things"
• Begin in the middle and circle back to the beginning
• Point-of-View: the perspective from which a story is told
• 1st person: uses "I" "me" "we" "us"
  
• 2nd person: uses "you" "your"
• 3rd person: uses "he" "her" "them"
  
• 3rd person omniscient: uses same as third person but is all knowing of every character
• Tone: the emotional register of the story's language
• Mood: the emotional register a reader experiences
• Building Characters
• Characterization: the development of characters through action, descriptions, and dialogue. Relies on specificity
• Direct= through specific description of the character
• Indirect= through behaviors, speech, or thoughts of the character
• Types of characters
• Round- very detailed and require attentive description
• Flat- minimally detailed
• Static- remain the same through the whole narrative
• Dynamic- change within the narrative as a result of the events
• Dialogue: communication between two or more characters
• often demonstrates the traits of a character or the relationship of the characters
• When dialogue is not doing more than one thing it can feel flat 
• Rhythm of dialogue should tell the reader something
• Choosing a Medium:
• Multimedia or Multi-genre: narration that synthesizes multiple different forms, like video and audio, nonfiction, poetry, and photography
• Think of how to combine mediums to effectively tell a story

I learned a lot of good things from this chapter! I thought I knew how to properly tell a story but there are a lot of elements I was not including that I should be!

Reading Notes: Hunt, Part B

Hans the Hedgehog

Hans on his rooster making the king sign over to him the first thing that greeted him at his kingdom.

(Image by Otto Ubbelohde)

Notes:

• Again, this story was written in a time where language was spoken and written differently than if we were telling it now. I think if I re-tell this story for the week's writing I will definitely try to modernize it in some way.
• I simply do not identify with the wanting children so badly, but go off I guess. Why was he willing to settle for a hedgehog though?
• So the logical thing is that he was born to be half hedgehog? I also would argue that there are many other names he could have been called but okay
• I DESPISE the word "suckled." I am aware this is a very minor issue with the storyline but I hate it nonetheless
• Ummm this is child neglect, but that's fine. I don't think I would ever be able to put such a horrible detail into my own writing
  
• Does Hans just live behind the stove? I am confused
• I will not lie, I did not understand the way in which the word "cock" was being used in this story. My brain certainly did not automatically go to a rooster, to say the least. I think this is a very important detail that is lost on modern audiences.
• Can hedgehogs climb trees? Is this important at all?
• Oh so he is truly a small hedgehog! I was picturing him as a boy-sized hedgehog, but the fact that he can sit on a rooster clues me into the intent of the author.
• I like the idea that Hans had a mystical glow-up where he can now serve kings and watch his flock while he chills in a tree. It's nice
• Hans is sneaky. I feel like this is going to bite him in the butt.
• Okay what the heck is the deal with his dad? He was greatly troubled that Hans was still alive? I thought he wanted children so badly that he would have taken a hedgehog!
• I really wish the author would stop saying the phrase "seated himself on the cock." I do not wish to read it anymore.
• So Hans just slaughtered everyone? I am so confused.
• What the frick frack? I liked Hans. I was rooting for him until he freaking assaulted the daughter of the king (the fact that she was used as leverage is a whole other issue)
• Why was the daughter disgraced? It isn't her fault the men in her life were awful
• He can TAKE OFF HIS SKIN??? What in the world?? I hate this.
• Why was he burnt? I simply do not understand what is going on here.
• Um it feels super problematic that once he was white he was handsome.
• I hate that once he was human he was accepted. What even is the moral of the story?
• This is truly the weirdest story I have ever read. 

Bibliography:

Hans the Hedgehog

Household Tales by Jacob Grimm and Wilhelm Grimm, translated by Margaret Hunt (1884)

Reading Notes: Hunt, Part A

Hansel and Grethel

Hansel and Grethel and the witch

(Image from Wikimedia Commons)

Notes:

• I did not realize that the original name of Gretel was Grethel. Did they change it because Grethel was just too old fashioned? Hansel is a weird name too. 
• The language and dialect used here is a bit hard for modern audiences to understand. I think if I re-wrote this I would try to modernize the whole thing
• I have not read the story of Hansel and Gretel very much in my life because it honestly always scared me, but I did not realize it was this dark. I suppose I should not be surprised because it's the Brothers Grimm, but still
• I feel like Hansel shouldn't have been in charge of figuring out a solution
• I think the idea of rocks versus the adaptation where it is breadcrumbs is a way smarter. I always thought breadcrumbs could be lost way too easily to be effective
• Hansel is really resourceful. I feel so bad for him that he is the neglected child and has to be the one in charge
• Okay I like the dad I think. He seems like he at least somewhat cares for the children
• The social worker in me (that's my major) is having an absolute panic attack right now at how messed up this situation is
• I think the idea that Hansel keeps comforting Grethel with saying God will protect them is an interesting way to bring religion into play. The way religion is used here implies that God is not a protector but just something to say to comfort people while you have to take your situation into your own hands, as Hansel does. It just has some odd implications for the world where the story takes place
• Ohhh okay I see now the breadcrumbs. Whoops.
• I hate to say it, but why would she eat the part that was just pure sugar? The girl needs some carbs and something of sustenance, like the walls or roof
• I do not trust this old woman. She seems sketchy, but I like the idea of the sort of temptress trope used here. The idea that the woman is a wolf in sheep's clothing is a good idea for my future writing
• Does the witch subsist on children? What are the odds that children just wander through the woods all the time?
• I like that the story gave a bit of background on the character of the witch. I feel like it did a good job without being overbearing
• Hansel is super smart for the bone trick
• Ooooo here comes Grethel with the tricks now! She does have a brain.
• They brought religion back into it with the "godless witch" part so I guess this is a Christian culture to some extent
• Are we just going to gloss over the fact that the mother is dead? Did the father kill her? I have questions.
• I like that this story had a happy ending. I feel like that is definitely not always the case with Grimm tales

Bibliography:

Hansel and Gretel

Household Tales by Jacob Grimm and Wilhelm Grimm, translated by Margaret Hunt (1884)

Microfiction: Christmas Eve and Other Stories

Christmas Eve

Pop. The flames rise in the fireplace. With every new crack my smile grows. I take a deep breath and the smell of pine fills my nose, compelling me to turn to the well-lit tree, almost bursting with decorations. I take a long drink from the liquid cheer in my hand and my head fills with memories, each one now represented by an ornament. Purrrr. The sound brings me back to the little ball of fur in my lap. While I gently pet her, I look to the window just in time to see the first snowflake hit the glass. 

I love this photo and it is exactly the vibe I am going for in the first story!

(Image by Jill Wellington from Pixabay)

8 Years Old

"How can she ever expect me to not be so excited," I wonder as I sift through the pile and pick up every box. She knows she got me the thing and I have to find it right now or else I will die!

Author's Note:
Hello! I wanted to do a little holiday special for my microfiction writing this week because I am just so excited about Christmas! We all know this year has been a tragedy and I wanted to make sure to spread a little cheer to us all. The first story is a snapshot of what a perfect Christmas Eve is to me. I wanted to really put you in the moment with me and make you reminisce on the best holiday memories you have. For the second story I want to do a classic tale of what Christmas is like when you are a kid but in the two-sentence format, so that's why I titled it the way I did! Enjoy and Happy Holidays!

Oh and if you understood the reference of my post title, good job! That is my favorite Christmas album of all time!

Famous Last Words: Pushing through!

I don't know why I like this image so much but I do. The end is in sight!

(Image found here)

Your reading for this week
The reading went well for me this week! I had time to do both portions and I actually enjoyed the spookier element to the whole week. I remember the tale of the warlock killing his daughters-in-law because they were not protected by the cross, which I thought was an interesting element of religion to bring into a story. I definitely want to try to find more stories like this!

Your best writing for this week

I thought the writing I did in my Research II class was my best writing. It was not any sort of creative writing, but a quantitative research analysis. While this isn't exciting, it is something I will use more in my career and can implement the same strategies I use for creative writing. I have found that when I put my phone across the room and just sit down and write then I do my best work!

Other people's writing

This week I really enjoyed Natalie's re-telling of the classic tale of Cinderella. I wrote comments for her and in them I expressed how much I loved the modernization she did. It felt very much like the film titled "A Cinderella Story," which is a film I dearly love, so I truly enjoyed her tale. I think modernization is definitely something I can try to implement! Read it here!

Your other classes

My other classes are crazy this week. I have major assignments due this coming weekend that I have to work on all week. It won't be fun but we're almost to the end! As I mentioned, I think the writing tips I have learned in this course definitely transfer to all my other work in other classes. Creative writing to the rescue!

Outside of school 

I don't have a super exciting topic this week, but I am going to see some Christmas lights with a few friends on Wednesday so I am excited about that! I love Christmas the most and this year it feels like we need it just a little bit more.

Next week

This week I am pushing through to the end of school. I am going to try to finish up my classes by Friday so I can relax over the weekend. Other than that, it's just pushing through to the end of the semester!

Learning Challenge: Get moving!

For this learning by H.E.A.R.T challenge I chose to try the "Health" challenges. I have been on a personal health journey and have been trying to lose weight for a few months now. I have been successful, but I am always looking for more ways to do my whole body good. I know that good computer posture is important and I also know the statistics about how sitting at a desk impacts our bodies, but it cannot be avoided in school. So, I chose to learn how to exercise at my desk with this article titled "6 Yoga Exercises You Won't be Embarrassed to do at Your Desk." I actually really love yoga so I was super interested in what this article had to say. My favorite was this open chest stretch. 

This is the demonstration image from the article, found here

You take your hands and clasp them behind you, your palms facing your back. You then raise your arms slightly to deepen the stretch and hold it for ten to fifteen breaths. It felt great because I always slump when I am sitting, so intentionally opening my chest and re-aligning my posture was so helpful! I am definitely going to try to incorporate the rest of these exercises, such as the neck stretches and the chair twists, into my daily life as well!