Week 9 Story: The Troubles of Mr. Fox

*An updated version of this story can be found in my portfolio, which is located here!*

The bell above the door rang in an obnoxiously joyful manner as Mr. Fox shuffled into the dimly-lit and smoky bar. After surveying the room for a second, he decided to take his place at the stool directly across from the old bartender, Mr. Badger. 

"What can I do ya for," old man Badger asked in a deep and raspy voice. "The cheapest whiskey you got back there. On the rocks," Mr. Fox replied. As he watched the dark liquid fill the glass he sighed deeply.

"You wanna know something?" Mr. Badger gave Mr. Fox a look to indicate that no, not now and not ever, did he want to hear the grievances that were destined to spill over the three feet of oak that separated him from his customers. Unfortunately, Mr. Fox did not notice the look, nor did he seem to care for the real answer. 

"It's that damned brer Rabbit! For the life of me, I cannot seem to win anything when it comes to him!" Mr. Badger decided to go the route of ignoring the words coming from the mangy fox, but he figured it would do him no good, seeing as how the fox was currently his only customer. 

"All I want to do is to beat him at his silly little games, but somehow he always wins. I even tried eating him, for cryin' out loud!" Mr. Badger slowly lifted his gaze from the glass he was somehow always drying. If Mr. Fox wasn't going to shut up about the rabbit he might as well engage in the conversation. Hell, it was the only thing to do around here. He set down the glass and, with a deep breath, asked Mr. Fox, "What all seems to be the problem?"

After good long drink of his borderline unbearably cheap whiskey (whatever gets the job done, right?), the fox started in again. "Well there was the time when I tried to trick him with a little tar-baby. Oh yes the tar-baby. It was this fake little sticky trap, you see. All I wanted was to make him hurt by stickin him to the tar and killin' the bastard. Somehow he got loose and was tauntin' me from up over yonder on the hill." 

"Was he now?"

"He was! Kept sayin' all this stuff about how I could kill him any way I like but that I shouldn't throw him in the briar patch. Of course, I threw him in the patch and BOOM he was up on the hill!" One for theatrics, Mr. Fox banged his dirty paws on the bar to emphasize the boom. One decidedly not for theatrics, Mr. Badger simply gave him a look of disgust and turned back to his cleaning. 

"So of course I went home and devised a plan to hurt him some other way. The only thing I could think of was to go after his youngins. They would be extra tasty, after all."

"Of course. The logical next step," the weary badger replied. 

"I had to watch the old hopper for a while, but once I knew when he and the wife would be out of the house, I hatched a plan. Now, I couldn't just waltz up in there and snatch them up with no reason. No, I had to be mad!"

"Sure sure. Go on."

"So I sneaked up in there and sat down like I owned the place. Ha! It felt good to finally get my revenge. I had those little bunnies hoppin' all up and down this side of the Mississippi," Mr. Fox said as he swallowed the last of the drink. Now he was feeling good.

Mr. Fox and the little rabbits he tried to eat

(image found here)

"I gave them the most impossible tasks, you see. Told them to break me off a piece of real strong sugar cane. They couldn't do it until the little bird told them how. Oh the freakin' bird! He was givin' them all these damn hints and foilin' my plan! Anyway, I told them to fetch me water with a sifter. A sifter! They wouldn't've been able to do that either if it weren't for the bird! Finally told them to fetch me a giant log for the fire. Took them a minute but by golly the bird helped again."

"Ah. Always a bird," Mr. Badger replied, shaking his head.

"Well, just about the time they got the log on the fire guess who saunters in. Brer Rabbit! Seeing as how I wouldn't be able to get the babies with me, I just decided to go home." Mr. Fox motioned for a refill on his drink. Mr. Badger obliged, thinking it might shut him up.

"Sounds like you've had a rough go of it. I hope things turn around for you soon, but this is last call. You better finish up that drink and go on home," the badger said. Mr. Fox took the whole thing in one go, tipped his hat, and left. 

"I'll get him next time."

Author's Note:

Thanks for reading! As you can see, I changed up the original stories quite a bit, and added a character, the bartender. I felt like this was the perfect opportunity to explore a story almost solely based on dialogue, as well as to re-invent the tale into something more modern. I wanted Mr. Fox to summarize his troubles, rather than telling them verbatim. I think this makes more sense and would mimic the flow of actual conversation with a stranger. I had a lot of fun writing this and I hope you have fun reading it!

Bibliography:

How Mr. Rabbit was too Smart for Mr. Fox

A Story about the Little Rabbits

Uncle Remus: His Songs and His Sayings by Joel Chandler Harris (1881)